Last week a new YouGov survey for GMB revealed increasing statistics around loneliness.

According to latest data:
81% of people say they are lonely
64% of those people didn’t tell anyone
59% of those people say there’s a stigma around loneliness

I’ve said before loneliness and alone are not the same thing. Just because you’re in a room full of people does not mean that you don’t feel lonely, equally just because someone chooses to be by themselves does not make them lonely.

Loneliness is one of the largest causes of poor mental health…. and that’s not saying it causes mental illness, but it can do if not addressed. Poor mental health is a step towards mental illness where low moods and anxious feelings can start to take hold. These can lead to feelings of helplessness, hopelessness and worthlessness and this can be dangerous.

People feel lonely for all sorts of reasons: grief, isolated in a relationship that isn’t working, working from home, children moving to university, young people moving to a new city for uni or work, death of pets, loss of friendships, financial hardship, not feeling understood and so many more reasons. This list is not exhaustive.

Loneliness is a feeling of disconnection and disconnection is a huge part of depression. Disconnection from people, places and possibilities.

… and yes, there is a stigma. Why? Because we don’t talk about it, we mask it, we feel like we are at fault or people will think badly of us.

Since losing Simon and especially since now living alone for the first time in my life since Oliver moved to university there are moments when I feel lonely and equally moments that I thrive on being alone.

I foresaw the possibility of loneliness spiralling negatively last year when I’d already experienced those feelings and that was a huge part of the reason I chose to go back to playing in brass bands, so I had some people in my life to connect to otherwise I knew I’d be living by myself, working from home alone and would literally go weeks without seeing or taking to anyone. I knew that was dangerous for me as, at heart, I’m an introvert – albeit an extroverted one! An ambivert if you like!

It’s also the reason I got my new kittens immediately my gorgeous Poppy cat died… because of loneliness. Within a day it was too quiet and I could feel what could happen.

Connection is key for emotional fitness and talking about loneliness is so important, to lift the stigma and help people flourish, so they don’t experience poor mental health.

Feeling lonely is common and normal. Please know that. But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you are lonely there will be a safe person for you to connect with but more importantly, let’s all just take responsibility to be that safe space, to connect to people and to tackle loneliness head on. A simple message to someone can make all the difference and could help someone thrive, and potentially save lives too, or sharing our own stories and experiences can bring comfort.

Let’s connect more. In our homes, friendships, work places, schools, music and sports teams and communities.

No-one needs to feel lonely at Christmas or any other time year.

Much love
Tabby 💚 xxx