*** TW: reference to death & suicide ***

I’ve titled this editorial ‘The Art of Grief’ because, having experienced, thought and spoken about the subject in some depth and for some time now, I’ve come to the conclusion that grief is like a work of art.

It’s messy and unique, it’s sometimes difficult to understand, it’s striking and bold or subtle and unclear and sometimes it’s utterly beautiful and full of love. The understanding and feeling of grief, like art, is personal to the person viewing and experiencing it. None of us will ever experience, live or feel it in the same way.

“I get the messy and difficult but how is grief beautiful?” I hear you ask. No, I’m not completely delusional, but most of the time I choose to embrace my grief as one of the most beautiful things I have in my life. It is every moment and every memory and expression of love and happiness that paints the most vivid pictures that bring a smile and an overwhelming feeling of love and gratitude. That is beautiful; the memories and the reflection of all that was and still is amazing.

Regardless of how someone dies, whatever our experience or our loss, the emotions and feelings are real, strong, unique and personal. Millions of people, like me, are already living with grief and many will experience the death of friends and family due to natural causes, other illnesses, accident and suicide.

Factor into this that death is not the only way to experience grief and you soon see that so many of us are experiencing something that is still a taboo subject and yet no one wants to talk about it; but you know me… I’ll start the conversations about grief and mental health and any other taboo subject because it’s important, it’s necessary and by talking we can better understand, empathise and support ourselves and others.

By lifting the mask on our grief, we show a beautiful honesty that can truly help, support and strengthen others. So how else can we experience grief if it’s not always about death?

It could be the loss of a job, work or a business, a relationship or a pet. It could be the consequence of not being able to do the things and see the people you love. It could be the feeling of isolation and loneliness; the loss of your lifestyle and routine as you know it and the not being able to be there for others as you once had.

Today, as a self-employed business owner in an economically unstable climate I can also feel the pressure mounting to not lose my business; the possibility and pressure is real and if my business didn’t make it, I know I would mourn and grieve the loss for years to come. The thought that every moment of hard work I had put in over the last 15 years, every part of the legacy of my husband and all he worked hard for just gone? It doesn’t bear thinking about. 

There are so many ways you can experience grief and maybe more people than ever are experiencing the emotional rollercoaster that is grief. Now add those emotions of loss onto the shoulders of those living with grief following death and you can see why, for the benefit of better mental health, we need to be talking more about this subject. 

There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about and feel a whole ocean of emotions following the deaths of my husband, my Dad, my brother, my pets, my friends, other family and complete strangers but alongside the pain and sadness there is so much love, beauty and gratitude and this is what I hold on to; what makes me smile and creates my happiness.

Grief, in any form and for any reason, is cruel. It is an emotional baseball bat with a mind of its own and by hell, it knows how to take a massive swipe when we least expect it. We can’t control it, but we can control our response to it and that is going to be the single action that helps you manage it; controlling your response.

Grief is, and will be, a part of all our lives; let’s just talk about it, make it less taboo and in the process help ourselves be less scared and try instead to see and focus on the beauty, happiness and love of memories that paint the art of grief.

Much Love

Tabby xxx

If you are living with grief I would love for you to join my safe support community ‘PERFORM with Grief’ at https://www.facebook.com/groups/performwithgrief – you will be made very welcome.

If you need further support with your grief you can find it at: 

Cruse Bereavement Care – https://www.cruse.org.uk/ – phone 0808 808 1677