mental health – Page 3

I Appreciate You

Recently I’ve been working with some clients and colleagues from different parts of the world and in particular the USA and I can’t help but feel so attuned to their energy and I always come away from meetings with them with a spring in my step and enthused. I’ve even been pondering how living and working in that company and environment might really suit me… but we’ll ponder any big moves for a while yet!

It has made me reflect on an experience from just before the world shut down for travelling.

On 26^th December 2019 I set-off on an amazing trip with my son across the Atlantic; Destination New York and the Bahamas.

It was an incredible trip where we walked for miles, saw everything we wanted to and more, went on adventures and created some fabulous memories.

Those memories will live on with me forever, but what really sticks with me most is the memory of people we met.

I’m fortunate to meet a lot of different people in my life and work but often, especially here in the UK, you can be faced with ‘mood hoovers’ who are full of negative thoughts and drain the life and positivity out of you.

In New York and the Bahamas I found the same as I do in mainland Europe. Fun, vibrant, thoughtful people who, regardless of their social or economic background, are full of thought, courtesy and a story to share. People that inspire and truly value the work they do; especially those working in the service industry. Their work was a passion and a career, not just a means to an end or until the next job comes along.

I think everyone that I chatted with or had an interaction with left an impression on me and made me feel like an individual, but the thing that really left me feeling fabulous was when several local people in the Bahamas I purchased items from used the turn of phrase “I appreciate you.”

Not “thank you” or “I appreciate your business” but “I appreciate you.”

That personalisation gave a huge sense of gratitude and made me feel truly wonderful and appreciated; and we all need to feel appreciated now and again.

Gratitude is an important thing and many people would benefit from exercising a little more gratitude from time to time, but imagine if we all adopted that idea of appreciating a person, an individual, humanity a little more as opposed to appreciating a ‘thing’ or ‘action.’

A simple change of a word could honestly change someone’s day.

Why don’t we all try it? Who could you appreciate today? Go and tell them.

I appreciate you for reading; it means so much to me.

Much love

Tabby xxx

Create not Compare

Comparison syndrome… the way we compare ourselves to everyone around us. Do you do it? Are you guilty of it… and if so, why?

It’s something we do so easily; I do it.
I’ve been guilty of it.

I am guilty of it.. and it’s so easy to do in this day and age. We have social media and magazines and TV and everything around us that shows us how we’re meant to be – how we should be.

We should be a perfect size.
We should have perfect children.
We should have a perfect life.
We should have perfect diets.
Our business should be a major success.

We are shown the people do it. Shown how they look and how they act and what they achieve, constantly being encouraged to compare ourselves to others. But heads up for the spoiler… THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION! This constant narrative we are conditioned to believe draws us into a rut of comparison syndrome as it’s known, and it’s an awful place to be.

Recently I was re-listening to a great podcast from two writers I really enjoy the work of; Andy cope & Andy Whittaker and Paul McGee. I’ve read several of their books, including the Art of Being Brilliant (by the two Andys), which is a great book and Paul has fantastic book that I really love and I advocate and recommend to people called SUMO which stands for Shut Up and Move On – take a look at both books, they’re worth a read!

The concept of SUMO allows you time to recalibrate and wallow and all these things that you need do to get over something but then gives you the techniques to how to move on with your life.

It gives you this idea that an event plus your reaction is what you get at the end of the day. They are good books and really worth a read. But I also loved a couple of phrases and a couple of quotes that Paul came out with and the first one is “other people’s grass may be greener, but it’s fertilised with bullshit”. How true is this? What we see – the things we compare ourselves to – are basically the selected highlights that we have been encouraged to look at and see as someone’s complete life and how wonderful it is.

This is not always the case. What’s going on social media is what people want us to see – it’s curated and we also do this ourselves. We put things on our timelines which are really happy pictures and share really great things. We don’t always share the real stuff that’s going on in life that might not be quite so good; we might not be very honest with people about it, but we’ve shown all the stuff we want people to see. But what we forget, this is what other people are doing as well.

They are just showing us the selected showreel if you like of their life and that is what we’re watching. So their grass isn’t greener. It really probably is fertilised with bullshit, or at least fertilised with something that’s selective and they are choosing what we see and that is then what we are comparing ourselves to.

So the bottom line is stop comparing and start creating – that’s what we need to do. Create yourself, create everything you do, and you will come out of this rut that you might be in, find solutions and possibilities for everything and move on.

This is what I really want to encourage people to start doing. I want people to start creating. Now that might be going for a walk that opens up the creative mind as we move and change our energy. It might be creating possibilities for your business. It might be creating new ways to get on in your family or to live. It might be creating a way to live more healthily, concentrating and focusing on your wellness rather than just dieting all the time. It might be creating art or writing, dance or music. It could be anything. There are so many ways to create.

Can you try being more creative? Stop comparing yourself and start creating. That is really going to help you to move on and create your own happiness, and that is where we want to be – finding happiness to balance with everything difficult we have to deal with.

It’s not about saying that everything is brilliant, that everything is happy, because that’s not real or honest. What we want to do is balance the hard and uncomfortable stuff we have to deal with – maybe the negative and bad stuff that’s going on in our lives – but find some happiness to balance that with. So, moral of the day, stop comparing and start creating.

Go and have a great day and create your own possibilities, positivity and happiness.

Much Love
Tabby x

Power Your Way to Confidence and Positivity

Want a quick 2-minute way to boost your mood and confidence?

It takes zero tech or meds.

It’s not even just using your mindset.

It’s using your body to influence your mind, which then influences your beliefs and consequently leads to more positive outcomes.

The way we communicate is vital and 65% of our communication is non-verbal (ie. our body language). We focus a lot on how we communicate with others but sometimes don’t focus on how we communicate with ourselves, but that matters because it affects our mood and how we
PERFORM.

So, it’s time to address that and use our body to tell our mind that we are strong and capable and to feel more positive and happy.

Simply engage in a power pose for 2 minutes. The ‘wonder woman’ pose is the best known (any Grey’s Anatomy fans will be familiar with this too) but any high power pose is good.

Hold it for 2 minutes and reap the benefits.

… and here’s the science… holding this pose for 2 minutes has been shown to raise your Testosterone level by 20% (meaning more power and confidence), reduce your Cortisol level by 25% (meaning stress reduction and boosted mood) and increases your risk tolerance by 33% (making you more likely to ‘go for it’ and perform at your best).

A reduction in Cortisol has a real impact on our mood, boosting it but so does a rise in Testosterone. FYI, a rise in Testosterone (in men and women) not only improves mood, it can also give you:

✅a rise to your sex drive
✅ stronger bones
✅ less fat and more muscle
✅ a healthier heart and blood
✅ better verbal memory and potential reduction in incidence of Alzheimer’s disease.

This simple, quick and easy change in your physiology actually changes you bio-chemistry.

So, if you have a performance, exam, job interview, big event or just need that boost in mood or confidence, give it a try and let me know you feel and how it boosts your performance.

Want to know more, watch this TED Talk from Amy Cuddy

Much love,

Tabby x

No Regrets…

Are you a fan of BBC’S The Apprentice series?

Our Mode for… team likes a watch and chat about it but we were especially excited about this year’s series as it featured one of our wedding industry friends Shannon Martin of Dotty Bridal, based in Holmfirth, Yorkshire!

Tabby and Shannon first got to know each other several years back when they were working together on some styled shoots and wedding fayres at The Arches in Halifax, where Tabby developed the venue and wedding packages for its first ever weddings and Dotty Bridal has since been one of Tabby’s go-to recommended bridal suppliers, not just for the amazing gowns, but the quality of experience all brides and customers get from Shannon and her team.

We were super excited to watch Shannon on The Apprentice and so impressed she managed to keep the whole experience a secret! Kudos for that! She came over so well on TV, which is not always easy to do when things are so highly edited and was proving popular with fellow candidates and the public. So, it came as a shock to many that in week 2 (***SPOILER ALERT***) Shannon took the exceptionally brave decision to leave the process on her terms.

That was a boss move right there and in Shannon’s own words she revealed: “I just don’t feel like this is the environment for me.”

There’s no doubting there’s a huge business and financial advantage to winning the show, but sometimes that isn’t the most important thing and you have to do what’s right for yourself and the biggest lesson we can take from doing something is to learn that actually, we need to do things in our own way and on our own terms. Maybe it took being a part of the process for Shannon to realise that she has everything right there to be an even more successful businesswoman, a phenomenal team around her which she built and actually the time spent in the process was time she wasn’t spent realising her dream.

In my home and business we have a motto that whatever decision we make we run it through the filter of “will I regret it?” and to hear Shannon say she has “no regrets” about either being part of the process or leaving fills my heart with joy. That is one strong lady right there with a passion and drive, because that’s an even harder decision to make when you also know there is a vast population watching on through the TV and social media.

But sometimes you have to make these choices and they are not easy and I can relate with what Shannon went through, having made a similar decision around a TV show in 2021.

I didn’t publicly share this at the time, but in 2021 I was set to be a part of filming the new series of Channel 4s ‘A New Life in the Sun’ – sharing the journey of my new home “Posto Felice” and business launch in Italy.
The show wanted to follow from the moment I stepped through the door for the first time to following me renovate and set-up a new Italian part of the Mode for… portfolio.

It seemed such a great opportunity and when you’re a business owner you’re always thinking about the PR benefits for your business – but I was also conscious about the impact it would have on my emotional fitness and, despite having succeeded in the whole application and audition process and completed all the relevant information, I actually pulled out of filming the week before.

Why? Well, a few reasons, but mainly because I was fairly conscious about how I would come over as the first filming they wanted to do was on the back of me driving to Italy over a 24 hour period, still having to conform to strict COVID regulations on arrival which included being quarantined in my new home for 5 days – which by the way, having never seen before having bought the house blind, I had no idea what state if it was in or liveable – contend with 40 degree heat so I would be a fairly unattractive sweaty mess and this all coincided with what would have been Simon’s birthday.

The fact was that whilst I could do it – it wasn’t the right environment for me and just because it meant I’d be on TV and potentially good PR for the business, it did not make it the right choice; so I put me first.

We don’t always do that, instead putting others ahead of our own needs even when we know it’s not right. But we have to put on our own oxygen mask first and not always people please. I wholeheartedly applaud Shannon for putting her own oxygen mask on first and she and her
business are flourishing because of it, with the launch of her fabulous new own brand of British designed and made wedding gowns this month called Nori Ivy.

Check them out, check Dotty Bridal out and also use Shannon’s and my experiences to ask yourself if you’re putting your own oxygen mask on first and use the “will I regret it filter” when you have decisions to make.

Now… who fancies a bao bun? Though not one described by Lord Sugar as looking like “Homer Simpson’s knackers!”

Much Love
Tabby x

Pics of Shannon and her gowns on a shoot co-organised with Tabby and a fabulous team of ladies.

Ask, then ask again!

It’s a fresh new year! So it’s the perfect time to ask you to do one simple thing for me….

Simply message one person to see how they’re doing.

The festivities are now over and the come down from Christmas & New Year is happening. Perhaps families have headed home and therefore loneliness feelings are high!

It might be someone you know is having a tough time, someone you haven’t heard from for a long time or seen anything of on social media, or it might be someone that outwardly seems truly happy and active. It may even be someone you don’t usually interact with.

The fact is, we never truly know what is going on in someone’s life and it’s very easy for us all to put a smile on things and say we are ‘OK’ even if we are not and stick a ‘happy photo’ or repost on social media.

What better time than now to reach out and say ‘hi, how are you doing?’ – and don’t forget to ask twice and how they are really doing. ‘Fine’ and ‘OK’ can be default answers because we don’t like to burden people.

If you’re asking the question, ask twice, if you’re asked the question, have the courage to be honest.

This act of kindness takes seconds and could mean the world to that person. It might even make the world a better place for them and worth living in right now if they don’t see a tomorrow.

It might just make someone feel loved and wanted when they are lonely.

Let’s be kind, help each other and spend just a few seconds checking in on someone… and if you do, why not suggest someone else does the same.

Much love
Tabby xxx

[PERFORM] Message of hope.

It is the final day of National Grief Awareness Week and I want to leave you with a message of Hope.

There is always hope and it’s important we use it as an achor on which to build our positive emotions.

Positivity is not say everything will be OK, it’s saying that you can be OK regardless of what is going on in your life.

Life can be difficult, living with grief is difficult, but with hope we can learn to embrace the grief, love and be happy and flourish.

Keep talking, keep sharing.

Much love
Tabby xxx

For more grief support check out: The Good Grief Trust, Cruse Support or Samaritans

[PERFORM] It’s understandable…

It’s understandable that it is hard to talk about grief, but it’s necessary.

It’s understandable that when someone dies people don’t know what to say to the bereaved family and friends.

It’s understandable that we feel uncomfortable mentioning the person that has died and don’t know how or if we should talk about them.

But here’s some insight. When you talk about someone who has died and share stories and anecdotes it doesn’t remind the bereaved family and friends that they have died, what it actually does is acknowledge and confirm the fact that you know they lived and left the most wonderful legacy and impression on those that are living.

That is a very precious gift for someone who is bereaved.

I am always overjoyed when people talk about Simon and share his stories and antics (and let’s face it there were a lot!). That brings connection and comfort… and yes often tears and sadness but that co-exists with love and gratitude.

Keep talking, keep sharing.

Much love
Tabby xxx

For more grief support check out: The Good Grief Trust, Cruse Support or Samaritans

[PERFORM] Blending Gratitude & Grief

This time of year is fun for most but hard for many, whether they live with ill health, distress, trauma, are caring for someone, lonely or a multitude of other reasons.

It’s also hard for those living with grief.

We are expected to show gratitude, especially at this time of year and yes, gratitude is an important way to build positive emotions to be emotionally fitter and flourish – it’s a big part of my philosophy and strategies to live life with more mental fitness and clarity – but we can’t just be blankety grateful, especially when living with grief because there is likely feelings of anger, loss and sadness too.

We have to acknowledge those difficult and uncomfortable emotions whilst practising the positive benefits of emotions such as joy, love and gratitude.

We need to hold them in balance and blend them. Acknowledging the difficult emotions of grief but hold in balance an equal positive whilst feeling the negative.

That’s how we can be grateful and grieve. Not just being toxicly positive but balancing and blending our emotions for a healthy balance.

For every difficult thought you feel, balance it with a small moment of gratitude – for the food you eat, call with a friend you have or music you listen to.

I am here to share your pain and create a safe place for you to share the love of those you have lost and to help you shift your mindset around grief to help you live abundantly with it.

If you want to read more about my grief story and gain confidence in how to open up about your own, why not check out my book ‘The Three Taboos: Cancer, Grief & Mental Health’ –

Much love

Tabby xxx

For more grief support check out: The Good Grief Trust, Cruse Support or Samaritans

[PERFORM] Two amazing conversations this week, with one similar sentiment from both.

“I hope my grief lasts forever.”

How brave and vulnerable and amazing is that?

I love that mindset and openness to vulnerability.

Vulnerability isn’t weakness, it’s courage.

We try so hard to ‘get over’ things like grief and so-called negative emotions, but what we really need to do is embrace them and perform with them.

They are data – signposts for how to live openly and healthily.

Grief is love.

I want my grief to last forever because it’s the love I had, have and will have forever for the person or situations no longer in my physical life.

It is safe to live with grief and it can be beautiful when it is embraced and managed.

Grief is not just sorrow and sadness – it is love and beauty.

We have been conditioned to believe the narrative that grief is bad and sad and lonely. But it doesn’t have to be. A mindset shift gives it permission to mean love – and love can mean joy, tears and so many physical sensations and emotions.

The transition can be overwhelming, hard and uncomfortable but the choice to make that transition to be vulnerable and embrace those emotions into your life is empowering and safe.

Opening up to vulnerability in any situation and not just suppressing emotions is a huge step in becoming emotionally fitter and happier and performing as your best self.

… and I’ve got you by the hand when you need that support to guide you and help you perform.

This time of year is so hard for anyone experiencing grief, but I’m right here feeling with you.

Much love
Tabby xxx

For more grief support check out: The Good Grief Trust, Cruse Support or Samaritans

[PERFORM] Do you know one of the best things you can do when experiencing grief?

Talk….

That’s it.

Start a conversation about your own experiences of grief or start a conversation with someone who may be living with grief. Yes, it’s hard, but it’s essential.

Grief will affect us all and it can affect us in many different ways.

It should not be a taboo subject.

Let’s start and have the conversations about the wonderful people and things we have lost, and remember grief is not just about losing people, but pets, jobs, relationships and lifestyles.

Talking can help, but sometimes we’re just too afraid.

This week, try and change that. The more we talk the easier it becomes for all of us and we can all feel supported and the stigma around the taboo subject of death and loss will start to dissipate.

Simply #openuptogrief

My personal grief is not just the tears and sorrow, but the memories, smiles, love and adoration for those I have lost, especially for my husband Simon.

We want to use #NationalGriefAwarenessWeek to help support those living with grief and encourage you to #shareyourstory

By sharing we can move from a place of fear to a place where we can talk about our grief with love and pride, embrace it and move forwards with it.

Loss is hugely difficult, I’m only too aware, but the love can outweigh the sorrow, which allows us to find some meaning and still live our lives with the love of those we have lost filling our hearts.

Share your story. Talk about those you have loved and lost and always feel free to talk to me if the grief feels overwhelming.

We are here to share your pain and create a safe place for you to share the love of those you have lost.

If you want to read more about my personal grief story and gain confidence in how to open up about your own, why not check out my book ‘The Three Taboos: Cancer, Grief & Mental Health‘

Much love
Tabby xxx

For more grief support check out: The Good Grief Trust, Cruse Support or Samaritans